Day after a 30 portrait project is due
and suddenly NOW I want to draw faces
Just ate dinner.
I want pizza for dessert now please.
As a child I was convinced I was fat so I always bought clothes that were too big for me.
As a teenager I was convinced that I wasn’t girly enough to wear anything but jeans and t-shirts.
As of right now, I still find it very hard to believe these things aren’t true.
Especially as I fold all twenty of the XL t-shirts I just washed…
All nighter last night.
Went to take a nap at 5.
And I just woke up.
I love it when my observations are beautifully correct.
I also hate it when I have to deal with the people I observe.
Can someone please tell my life to make up its mind?
I would seriously like to be done with the whole confusion stuff.
You tell her you’re going to go on a crash diet to become thinner and she responds with, “You won’t be able to. You like food too much.”
You know the feeling you get as you balance on the thin straight curb?
One foot in front of the other you keep moving forward. Fearless.
What about that moment when you lose balance?
A flash of revelation that you’re falling.
Everything stops for one moment as you contemplate your choices.
Specifically the one when you decided to take the risk.
I know those feelings well because I’m always in that moment of pause.
Trying to contemplate how I should fall.
Never worrying about who might catch me.
What do you do when you realize someone has caught you?
That is a feeling I don’t understand.
Do they continue to hold you up or do they let you continue on your own?
Do you choose to stay near them or do you decide to take the risk again?
What do you do when you realize your heart is in two places?
You move forward taking each risk as it presents itself,
but you continue to look back at the person who caught you.
I want things to be simple,
but they never are.
Here I sit trying to piece the puzzle together.
Where is the piece that helps everything make sense?
When will I see this picture?